


Echoes of You

by kateyvstheworld



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Astral Plane, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fix-It, Fluff, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, M/M, Messy, Minor Curtis/Shiro (Voltron), Missing in Action, Mostly Canon Compliant?, Multi, Mutual Pining, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Curtis/Shiro (Voltron), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rating May Change, Shiro (Voltron) is a Mess, Team as Family, Temporary Character Death, Underage Drinking, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2020-01-14 11:21:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18475216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kateyvstheworld/pseuds/kateyvstheworld
Summary: Shiro never thought he'd be the one on the receiving end of a lecture about the importance of duty and doing what's right, but here he stands, Keith's finger in his face, his irises dangerously yellowing at the edges.A fix-it fic of sorts fueled by a lot of song inspiration.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Alright so, this is my first fic on Ao3. I haven't actually written fic in probably... 10+ years (holy crap). Regardless. This was rattling around in my head. I don't know what my update schedule is going to look like, but, here you go. Also: Apologizing ahead of time for tense switching - I'm awful about it.

# Chapter I.

* * *

_Stay, stay near me. Stay near me now._  
_Eleonora, please be here._  
_How you tease me, Eleonora._  
_Speak, it grows so quiet on Widow’s Peak._  
_Don’t hush, silence shares my madness._  
_\- Eleonora (Mariana’s Trench)_  


* * *

The shift in dynamic comes on so suddenly. 

Keith, over the years of his life, has grown acutely aware of his own empathetic bonds; the hyper awareness that comes with unsteady ground of childhood trauma. He’s trained himself to watch body language, to feel mood shifts, to prepare. 

Nothing could have quite prepared him for the _emptiness_ he feels when they awake in their own reality in the Lions. It starts with Allura. There’s a distinct feeling of lacking something in their bond. The lukewarm feeling of a hollow victory that seems more like a consolation prize than anything. He doesn’t need empathy to feel the ache in Lance’s words as he praises Allura for what she did. And he certainly doesn’t need it when he hears the ever-familiar sound of someone trying to still the quivering of their own lips. 

Keith is tactful enough now to let it be. There is nothing he can say that will dull the ache of loss. He remembers what that feels like. Keith’s entire life has been stained and torn by loss. _‘Everything happens for a reason,’_ they would tell him. _‘If you need to talk-’_ , they would promise. Remembering the well intentioned words just makes his throat burn again. Lance deserves better than that. It seems everyone else believes this to be the same. 

They continue back to Earth in silence and decidedly ignore the soft gasps they hear from Red’s comm line. They pretend not to see the red rimming Coran’s eyes when he comes through to let them know that they’re approaching Earth. They arrive to fanfare, music, and celebration, but none of this feels worth celebrating. But for their friends and families, they do. 

And it hurts. Keith can feel the insistent tugging on the inside of his rib cage, the radiating ache coming from all of them. It’s almost a little too much. 

It _is_ too much. 

This is where Shiro finds him; at the edge of an impromptu bar, pouring more alcohol into an already twice filled glass. 

“A third drink, already?” He says, just barely heard over the volume of the still playing music, flicking his gaze down to meet Keith’s. “And here I thought you would be a lightweight.” Shiro’s laugh warms his face faster than any amount of alcohol could. If he wasn’t already flushed from the drinks, he would be now. Shiro’s attention always did that to him so it comes as no surprise that it’s stronger when he’s already a little tipsy. 

“I think you’re the lightweight.” He counters, eyeing the drink that Shiro has been nursing for the past thirty or so minutes. Keith’s tone is challenging and Shiro takes it as such. He cocks and eyebrow, locking his gaze with Keith as he raises the half full glass to his lips. Shiro drinks the entirety of it without so much as pausing. Keith’s eyes still don’t move as Shiro plucks the full glass from Keith’s hand and begins to down that one too. 

The indignant sound he would make dies in his throat, immediately distracted by a drop of alcohol that escaped Shiro’s lips. It slips down his chin and down the curvature of his neck. Keith finds himself caught by the sight of Shiro’s adam’s apple bobbing as he finishes the glass in an impressive amount of time. Keith is distantly aware that the glass has been set back in his hands and he finally looks back up to Shiro’s eyes with a clearing of his throat. 

Shiro’s brow is still raised, but he’s grinning now. He leans down a bit to speak so only Keith can hear. “Catch up, Cadet.” 

Keith feels his chest tighten at the nickname and he desperately tries to gather his composure. The only explanation is the alcohol. Maybe he is a lightweight. He’s not going to let Shiro beat him, though. “Yes, _Sir_.” He replies, watching as he wipes that overly confident smirk off of Shiro’s face. Keith swears he can see the faintest of blushes raise to the apples of Shiro’s cheeks. 

Shiro turns to the glasses on the counter now and quickly pours the both of them another drink. He hands Keith’s over to him first and immediately hides his face behind his own as he takes a quick drink. Keith watches him out of the corner of his eye and follows suit. 

A change in song catches Keith’s attention. An overwhelming feeling of nostalgia overtakes him and he smiles. “Do you remember this song?” 

Shiro perks up to listen curiously, wrinkling his nose in thought. When it finally registers, he laughs. “I don’t think I could really forget, though I was pretty drunk.” 

_Shiro is laughing, and that may not be anything particularly special. He’s always laughing. But it’s Keith’s favorite sound. There’s nothing quite like it. Shiro always sounds so carefree, like he couldn’t imagine being pulled down by anything. Keith smiles and knocks him sideways a bit. “Shut up, it’s not that funny.” He says, unable to help his own laughter from bleeding into his faux irritated tone._

_“It is, and you know it is.” Matt says, slinging an arm around Keith’s shoulders. He’s nursing a bit of a fat lip and a scrape on his cheek. Keith’s own cheeks burn and he hides his face against his knees. In two days time, Matt and Shiro will be boarding for Kerberos. Because they’re being responsible (read as: heeding Sam Holt’s thinly veiled threats of waking them up with a bullhorn), they’ve decided to have their little “going away” get together now instead of the night before they leave._

_Matt’s managed to sneak alcohol out of the Garrison’s locked cabinets and dragged out a small speaker for them to listen to music on. They haven’t strayed too far from Garrison grounds, but they’re far enough that they’re comfortable taking swigs from the bottle Matt snuck out. “I can’t dance! I told you that!” Keith argues, defensive, voice muffled against his jeans._

_“You did, but that doesn’t change the fact that you treated it like a sparring match.” Shiro teases, crouching down in front of him._

_“When I said to sweep me off my feet, I didn’t mean like_ that. _” Shiro’s laughing again at Matt’s words. Keith grouses from his hiding spot and Shiro reaches forward to ruffle his already too long hair. Keith doesn’t miss the look Matt shoots him as his cheeks get even pinker. Whatever, he’ll blame it on the alcohol. It won’t matter, though. Matt sees right through him while Shiro remains oblivious._

_“Maybe you’ll have more luck with him, Shiro.” Matt says, innocent tone betraying the conspiratorial look in his eyes that Shiro manages to miss. Shiro’s face brightens and he looks back to Keith. “What do you say?” He says at the same time that Keith squawks a “What?!”_

_Matt laughs and pushes himself up off the dirt of the cliffs. “Besides, I gotta get going. I promised Katie I would help her with something before we leave anyway.” Keith looks up at him panicked and Matt just shoots him a wink. “I’ll leave the music here, but I’m taking the alcohol. I earned that.” He says, very firm in that statement. “I’ll see you two tomorrow.” Matt plucks the alcohol off the ground and waves to them both. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” He waves goodbye to the both of them before he heads out._

_Keith tries not to sputter out excuses to keep Matt there before movement catches his attention. He turns his head to look back to Shiro. He’s stood up now, head tilted back to look at the stars. Keith’s mouth goes dry immediately. He’s never seen anyone even half as beautiful as Shiro._ ‘Ethereal’ _is the word his brain provides. And maybe it’s just some weird puppy crush but stars… He’d move entire galaxies just for the chance to be near him._

_He’s broken out of his stupor by Shiro’s voice. “I can’t believe I’m going to be out there.” His voice is soft, reverent. Shiro’s never looked at the stars with anything less than the respect they deserve. Keith feels his heart clench. “Yeah.” He says, softly. Keith’s happy for him, don’t get him wrong. Shiro’s realizing his dream. He’s given up so much for it and he deserves to be happy. But, Keith can’t help but dread the day he leaves. He’s not ready for that._

_Shiro glances back at him and smiles, holding his hand out, “Come on, I owe you a lesson.” Keith furrows his brows and takes Shiro’s hand. “A lesson?” he repeats. Shiro nods, “What kind of friend would I be if I left you here with just Matt’s dance lessons alone?” He pulls Keith to his feet in one fluid movement. “I shouldn’t have let him try to teach you anyway. Do you know how many feet he’s stepped on?” Shiro says with a laugh._

_Keith can’t help but laugh, too. Shiro takes both his hands and holds them in position. His instructions are spoken softly, “Alright, you put your hand here,” He places Keith’s hand on his shoulder before wrapping his free arm around his waist. “And start with your feet here.” He uses his own foot to guide Keith’s to their new position. “Now, just follow my lead.”_

_Shiro manages to lead him through some terribly muddled version of a Viennese Waltz. Keith’s sure it would be beautiful with the right partner, but as it stands now, he’s just tripping all over himself. Shiro corrects him gently as they go and keeps encouraging him. “See, you’re getting it.” He says encouragingly. Keith offers him a sheepish smile. “I’ve stepped on your feet at least a hundred times. I don’t think I could call that progress.”_

_Shiro scoffs in response. “C’mon, you’re a natural.” He teases, wincing as Keith steps on his foot again. “It’s a start.” And he’s leading him off through the steps again. Keith won’t remember all of tonight, the alcohol wreaking havoc on his memories, but he’ll remember Shiro’s encouraging words and the sturdy weight of his hand on Keith’s hip._

“Dance with me.” Keith says, suddenly breaking out of his own memories. Shiro gives him a dubious look in response. Keith doesn’t know if it’s the alcohol, or the nostalgia. Maybe it’s the relief of the war finally being over, or even something else. But he’s never felt more bold in his advances. He and Shiro have been sidestepping out of each other’s way for months now. Maybe it’s time to lay it all on the table. 

“I already lost an arm, Keith. I don’t know if I’m ready to lose a foot.” Shiro teases him with a grin. Keith rolls his eyes in response and sets his drink down. “You said I was a natural.” “I had bruises on my feet for weeks!” Shiro argues, but still laughs. He knows he doesn’t stand a chance when it comes to Keith’s tenacity. Which is why he doesn’t stop him when Keith takes his hand and pulls him towards the dance floor. 

The song is slower than Keith remembers it being, more intimate. He tries not to think about it too much as he struggles to get into the right position that Shiro taught him all those years ago. Shiro is patient with him, letting him figure it out on his own. Once he figures it out, he looks up at Shiro, smiling wide at him. Shiro falters for a moment, caught in the moment. He can’t remember the last time he saw Keith look so… _Radiant_. 

It distracts him enough that when Keith moves to lead, despite positioning himself to follow, Shiro stumbles a bit. He rights himself quickly and grins sheepishly back at him. “I wasn’t expecting you to lead.” Shiro says, offering it as some form of an excuse and Keith shrugs. “Figured I’d give it a try.” Shiro is looking over his shoulder, keenly aware that they’re being watched by the Paladins. “Well, you’ve always been full of surprises, haven’t you?” He says, almost absent-mindedly. Shiro finds himself suddenly very self conscious with eyes on them. 

It occurs to Shiro how much alcohol they’ve both had, how this looks. His eyes lock on Lance for a moment. He makes eye contact and his gaze moves to the Altean marks shining brightly on his cheeks. They just lost Allura. This can’t be easy to watch. Everything starts to spiral downwards quickly. 

His grip tightens on Keith’s waist and Keith looks up at him. “Shiro? Are you okay?” Shiro forces himself to look back down at Keith. “Yeah.” Shiro’s voice is weak. He clears his throat, trying to play it off. “Yeah, I’m fine.” He lies, hoping it doesn’t sound as unconvincing to Keith as it does to him. Keith’s tentative smile drops immediately. He knows Shiro - better than anyone in the whole galaxy, he’d argue. Shiro’s never lied to him. Not once. “Hey,” He stops their dance mid-step. “You know you can tell me, anything right?” 

Shiro smiles tightly, “Of course, Keith. It’s nothing. Don’t worry.” Keith gives him a look that says he doesn’t quite believe him, but he reluctantly drops it. “Okay.” He says, voice unsure. Keith picks back up the dance and Shiro lets himself fall back into step with him, taking the lead forcibly this time. He needs to have some control here. 

He spins them through the moves with the practiced ease. The tense conversation is quickly forgotten and Keith finds himself gravitating closer to Shiro subconsciously. As the song plays its final notes, Keith looks up into Shiro’s eyes and smiles. He’s reminded once more of the night Shiro taught him to dance. Ethereal, the word comes to the forefront of his mind again. He could count stars in Shiro’s eyes for the rest of his life and he’d be happy. 

His hand moves from Shiro’s shoulder up the side of his neck to rest gently on his cheek. Shiro’s eyes widen slightly, Keith holding his full attention. “Keith,” His voice is soft. Keith doesn’t give him a chance to continue whatever thought he was holding onto. He presses up onto the balls of his feet, letting his eyes slide closed. 

And his lips meet the slope of Shiro’s nose. 

Keith pulls back and looks up at him, confused. Shiro looks a bit sad, but firm. “Keith,” The soft quality of Shiro’s voice hasn’t changed, but Keith’s interpretation of it has. “We can’t.” He finishes. It hits Keith all at once that they’re standing in the middle of the dance floor, still while the rest of the crowd continues to spin and twirl to the music. Keith doesn’t hear the sound of the music though, not over the blood rushing past his ears. 

“What do you mean, we can’t?” Keith’s voice manages to stay steady. “Shiro, I lo-” Shiro raises his finger and places it gently over Keith’s lips. “We can’t.” He repeats, not clarifying. “I’m sorry.” To his credit, Shiro does sound particularly apologetic. But it doesn’t change the fact that Keith feels absolutely gutted, ripped open and on display for everyone who is watching. He distantly wonder if it’s like watching a car crash. 

No, he’s sure he’s seen accidents with more mercy than this. 

Shiro releases him and takes a step back. “I’m sorry, Keith.” He says again. Keith wraps his arms around himself, protectively. Whether that’s on purpose or not is anyone’s guess. Shiro turns and quickly moves off of the dance floor, leaving Keith standing in the center of it alone. 

The dynamic shifts, it continues with Shiro. 

Dealing with the emotional burden of what they have all collectively endured has never been top priority. Not because they didn’t want to, but because there was never the time to. Being back on Earth though, the war over, the coping mechanisms they have managed to develop, don’t quite work anymore. It was easier in the castle to group together in common areas; to be alone but together at the same time. 

Keith yearns for the ability to sequester himself in the training room, Pidge and Hunk diligently working in the corners. Or maybe to the observatory where he could sit in companionable silence with Shiro. He would even settle for the ability to clean cryopods with Coran and Lance if it meant being able to just… be. It was easy in the castle to push it to the side quietly. 

On Earth, though, it’s not so easy. They’re pulled in such opposite directions, that they each feel the emotional strain of their bond. But who among them would really reach out for help? They’ve spent the past however long of their garbled timeline, fluxing through time and reality, unconsciously making martyrs of themselves. So it comes as no surprise that none of them make the effort. And no one on Earth quite understands those emotional burdens either. 

And that really is something isn’t it, Keith thinks. There wasn’t a single person on this planet who could honestly look him in his eyes and tell him they understand what the Paladins have gone through. No one here has seen the things they’ve seen. No one had traveled to the edge of the infinite expanse, looked into its abyss, and accepted their fate no matter how dark it was. He doesn’t resent them for it, but he knows that they would never understand. 

This loneliness can only last for so long before someone cracks. It’s not the person he expects either - though it should have been all things considered. When Keith’s phone lights up with an unknown number, Keith scrunches up his nose. For a moment he thinks about ignoring it, he’s drowning in the re-establishment Daibazaal so he’s not sure he has time to entertain whatever this is, but something tugs in his chest and sends goosebumps up his flesh. It’s odd, but it’s certainly not the oddest thing he’s experienced yet. 

Keith answers the phone without much more preamble and grumbles a, “Hello?” into the receiver. 

It’s a beat of silence before someone responds. “Keith? Hey buddy!” 

He can’t say he’s not surprised that it’s Lance’s voice coming through the line. “Lance?” He says, almost as if he could forget the voice that grated on at least eighty percent of his nerves while they were out in space. 

“Yeah, it’s me.” 

It’s about that moment that Keith picks up the strain in his voice. And then he remembers something. “Why aren’t you calling from your own phone? Did you change your number or something?” His voice hedges somewhere between concern and irritation. Part of him is worried but the other part of him is almost griping at the idea of Lance not telling him that he changed numbers. Was he not important enough? He thought they were over this. He thought-

“No, no, nothing like that.” Lance answers, cutting Keith’s spiral off before it can actually go that far. He dances around the question though, not quite answering it. Keith opens his mouth to ask a second time, but Lance manages to cut him off again. “I was checking if you were busy. I’m near the Garrison and was wondering if you wanted to hang out or something? It’s been awhile.” He sounds unsure, nervous. 

“I’m actually-” He stops himself. “Actually… I have time.” He’d make time. Something just didn’t feel right to him and there was still that reluctant leader part of him that wants to help. So he decides to just go with it. Keith hears Lance let out an audible sigh of relief. 

“Thanks Keith. I can meet you in the hangar area in like… an hour and a half?” He sounds relieved but there’s still an edge to his tone. Keith doesn’t like it. 

“Sure, I’ll see you then.” The call ends shortly after that, leaving Keith looking at his phone. Why wouldn’t Lance call Hunk? Or even Pidge? Maybe he did? Was Keith the last to know? Something about that tugs at his brain and he shakes it off. Lance didn’t sound desperate. At least, not in a way that would entirely suggest Keith is a last resort. He chooses to busy himself with his paperwork for the time being. If he can keep his mind focused he’s sure his questions will be answered shortly. 

 

The time passes relatively fast, and in an hours time, Keith finds himself waiting in the hangar, arms crossed over his chest, for Lance. It wouldn’t be like Lance to be on time, though. True to form, Lance doesn’t manage to show for at least another forty-five minutes and not until Keith is all but about to give up and head back to the office. He can hear Lance’s footsteps moving towards him. He turns to face him as they get closer. 

“It’s about time you showed up, if I had known you were going to be late, I would have-” Keith cuts himself off as he takes in Lance’s appearance. “Uh…” 

He shouldn’t be so surprised, honestly. When is the last time he had actually seen Lance in person? It’s been months since they touched back down on Earth’s soil. Months since Allura had.... ‘ _Been forced to sacrifice herself_ ’ his brain supplies. 

Lance stands before him and it takes Keith a moment to consolidate this Lance and the Lance he knew before. If Keith is being kind, he can say that Lance looks disheveled. The bags are under his eyes are too reminiscent of bruises. Even for Lance’s normal wardrobe, his clothes just seem to be hanging off of him. He looks… He looks exhausted. Horrible. 

“I know, it’s been awhile since I’ve blessed you with my presence, but I never thought I would render you speechless.” Lance tries with a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. 

Keith suddenly becomes aware that he’s staring. He closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. “How… Are you trying to make a joke?” 

“Is it working?” 

“No.” 

“Ah, well. Can’t say I didn’t try.” Lance grins and shrugs his shoulders. 

“I think I can.” Keith replies and finally opens his eyes again. “What are you doing all the way out here?” 

Lance becomes immediately uncomfortable with the question, and Keith can see the wheels turning as he tries to come up with some sort of excuse. “Well, you know, I just thought I’d stop by and-”

“Don’t insult me by lying, Lance.” 

Something disguised as anger flashes across Lance’s features but Keith knows that look. He knows it better than anyone else in the world because he’s seen it staring back at him in shards of broken mirrors destroyed in poorly timed mental breakdowns. _Caught. Grief. Shame._ He sighs, trying to find a better way around this, but he’s never been quite tactful. He tries again. 

“What brought you all the wa-” Lance cuts him off again, pulling a frustrated noise from Keith’s chest. 

“I had an appointment.” 

Keith frowns, “An appointment?” He repeats. 

“An appointment for clearance to relocate to New Altea.” 

Keith freezes at the confession. “Wait, what?” He breathes the question out, barely louder than a whisper. Maybe he shouldn’t be so surprised. He can’t fault Lance for moving off planet, can he? It’s not like Keith is always planetside, running missions with the Blade of Marmora and organizing on Daibazaal. All Lance had talked about when they were in space was how badly he wanted to go home. 

“I just can’t… I need to do something. The farm is great but…” Lance rubs the back of his neck, trying to find the right words. “It’s not… She would have wanted more for me. I wanted more for me. I can’t stay here.” 

He gets that. After Shiro’s blatant rejection of his advances, Keith immediately retreated. He scooped up a mission as quickly as he could, relief aid that would take him out of the galaxy for at least a few weeks. But Lance… It feels different. “Are you sure?” 

Lance nods, “I’m positive. I’ve talked about it with my family and they don’t want me to go, but they understand. Maybe I can help Coran. I’m sure he misses having my help cleaning the castle.” He tries to joke again but it just falls flat. 

“Well.” Keith starts, after a moment of silence. “We’ll miss you.” 

At that, Lance does laugh. 

The dynamic shifts, it continues with Lance.


	2. Chapter II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > **[01:22] :** _Can we just go back to how things were before? I can’t do this._  
>  **[01:23] :** _Please just forget I said anything._  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this was a beast to write and I'm still not sure I'm 100% happy with it, but here it is. Once again this is unbeta'd. If there's any glaring mistakes, feel free to let me know.

## Chapter II.

* * *

_I’ve forgotten how it feels to have my head over my heels_  
_I don’t want to walk away, but it’s not fair to let you stay_  
_\- The Death of Me (Mariana’s Trench)_

* * *

Captain Takashi Shirogane of the IGF Atlas has completed many seemingly impossible tasks in his lifetime. He was the Galaxy Garrison’s golden boy: he took to the sciences of flight naturally, aced every exam, reworked impossible equations. He escaped a previously thought terminal illness and nearly quadrupled his life expectancy in the process. He had gone missing in action, been captured by an alien species, fought in their gladiatorial games, and came back to tell the tale. He’s not only done these things, but he’s made it look like easy. 

Because of these things, there are few challenges that daunt him these days; there’s few things that he can’t prepare himself for. 

However, nothing could have prepared Shiro for the way Keith is looking at him right now. He’s looking at Shiro like he’s pulled all the light out of his world. Maybe he had. Shiro wishes he could decipher every piece of emotion flitting across Keith’s features. There are things he’s not meant to know, though. The pure vulnerability in his gaze, though, shatters Shiro’s heart. It tears him clean open and it’s everything he can do not to take it all back immediately. He’s never wanted to cause Keith this sort of pain - _any_ sort of pain for that matter. 

Shiro remembers early on in their friendship, making Keith promises that he’d never be the person to hurt him, that he’d never leave him behind. Keith gave him the same dubious look each time. Doubt hazy behind a fog hurt and fear. It was so reminiscent of a feral animal, something small that had been backed into a corner, preparing itself to go down swinging. It took months of hard work to get Keith to open up to him, to trust him. And Shiro has shattered that in a matter of _seconds_

All of those promises he made Keith all those years ago mean nothing in that moment. He’s watching them dissolve like sandcastles in Keith’s deep indigos. Shiro is so used to Keith’s fierce indignation, the way he fights for what’s his no matter what. He’s not prepared for denial in it’s most grief-stricken form. There is no immediate anger or fight. No tell-tale tensing of Keith’s jaw or shoulders, showing he’s not going anywhere. His entire body falls slack like he’s been struck. His lower lip _quivers_ and Shiro can hear the watery intake of breath when Keith tries to gather himself. 

Shiro bites the tip of his tongue so hard it nearly bleeds in an attempt to not attempt to smooth things over immediately. Just like with everything else Shiro does, there is purpose behind this. He has to wound Keith like this. It’s one of the deepest betrayals he could give him. He wonders if Keith knows how much this hurts him too. There’s nothing he’d like to do more than to wrap Keith in his arms and kiss him like it was the only thing putting the air in his lungs. He can’t, though.

Keith’s a smart man. He’s grown so much in the past few years and Shiro’s never been more proud of him. He’s become so much more than what he was destined for when Shiro first met him. But there are some habits that can’t be let go of, some devotions that run too deep. It’s something that struck him so deeply after Keith accepted death over letting go of him. He’s tried to brush it off, to pretend that Keith couldn’t actually do such a thing - that he would know that’s not what Shiro would want. 

But, seeing those Altean marks on Lance’s cheeks had reminded him of every time Keith had thrown his own body in front of Shiro’s like a shield. They reminded him of every time Keith thought his life was worth _less_ than Shiro’s. If Shiro’s being completely honest, it scared him. Keith’s dedication to this cause of keeping Shiro alive at the cost of his own life didn’t take something incredibly important into account: 

Shiro would collapse like a supernova in his devastation over the loss of Keith.

At the end of the long road of being a Paladin and now a Captain of the Atlas, at the end of the war, Shiro’s not ready for that. Not only for him, but for Keith. If keeping Keith away from him means keeping Keith safe, he’ll do it. He would much sooner break Keith’s heart than lower him into the grave.

So he leaves Keith standing in the middle of the dance floor, alone. And he runs away as fast as he can.

* * *

It’s the dead of night when Shiro’s woken by the chime of his cell phone. He mutters groggily and reaches around blindly for the device. His own hypervigilance was a blessing at times, and a curse at others. This time just happened to be the latter. He taps the screen and squints against the blinding light. 

> **[01:22] :** _Can we just go back to how things were before? I can’t do this._  
>  **[01:23] :** _Please just forget I said anything._  
> 

The message is from Keith and it’s achingly vulnerable. Keith has been a lot of things with Shiro, but his vulnerability is a privilege given only seldomly. It’s safe to say that Shiro wasn’t expecting it after how he’d left Keith after the celebration. He certainly didn’t deserve it. But when has Shiro ever deserved any devotion Keith has given him? It’s only been a week since Shiro rejected Keith’s advances and he’d been incredibly cognizant of Keith’s sudden, but understandable, absence. It was easy to assume he was being avoided after what had happened. That didn’t take away from the hurt that he felt, even if it was part of the desired outcome.

Shiro knows that any normalcy in his response is going to undo even small bits of what he’s done, so he’s sure to sap the warmth from his tone. He tries to keep it clinical. No false hope, no chance of Keith getting hurt more than he had to.

> **[01:31]:** _Consider it forgotten._

His message is instantly marked as read, as if Keith had been waiting for his reply with bated breath. It’s not arrogance that drives Shiro to this thought, but the knowledge of who Keith is as a person. Keith has shown time and time again that Shiro’s presence and his approval are high on his list of important things. So it’s not necessarily arrogant to believe that he was going to wait for a reply instead of just letting it go. Shiro just hopes that Keith hasn’t let this get to him too badly.

He knows that hope is in vain.

Shiro locks his phone and sets it back on the table, closing his eyes in an attempt to get some amount of sleep before he has to start in on work tomorrow.

* * *

Things don’t return to normal.

Keith becomes present again, but that is really all he can call it. Their interactions are stilted now. It feels awkward. Shiro finds himself having to forcefully keep his hands off of Keith. He’d never realized before now how often he was touching some part of the younger man. Shiro knows all too well how perfectly Keith’s lower back fits against his palm, how warm his hands are, how soft his skin is. When he brings up how odd this all is to Hunk, Hunk just laughs at him, responding with a comment about how it’s kind of weird that Shiro never noticed it before but the rest of the team did.

Shiro becomes aware of every little idiosyncrasy that the two of them share. The ways Keith would consistently find himself in Shiro’s orbit. How he would encourage Shiro’s thoughts and ideas. Shiro even realizes just how much backing Keith gives his plans. Their banter, the touches, even the small smiles. All of it is wiped away in the matter of a few days. Keith is the epitome of professional and civil around Shiro. It’s everything he would have wanted for him in the past. But now it’s just empty and void of everything that makes Keith himself.

He finds himself wishing to take back everything he said, everything he had done to make this happen. Shiro has to stay strong, though. No matter how much this hurts. No matter how it pulls and gapes and wounds him. Keith deserves someone better than Shiro. Someone who Keith can be harmlessly devoted to and not have it turned against him as a weapon. They never needed to give Shiro the Galra arm to hurt Keith. Keith’s unwavering loyalty and Shiro’s love for him were always enough to wound.

So Shiro learns to cope. He accepts Keith’s superficial role in his life now. It’s better this way, whether he wants to admit or not. Keith is _safe_ this way. And in the end, isn’t that all Shiro has wanted since the beginning of all of this?

* * *

He finds himself missing sharing mundane thoughts with Keith. Of course he still shares with the other Paladins - Hunk especially given how closely they work - but it’s not the _same_. Not when Keith knows him so wholly inside and out. So he forces himself to branch out. This is where he finds camaraderie with his crew members. But most of all, this is where he finds more in common with one of the men from the bridge, Curtis. 

It’s not that he’s never spoken with Curtis before. As an integral part of the Atlas’s bridge team, Shiro has spent plenty of time around him. It had just been predominantly professional. Something changes in their dynamic though. He finds Curtis in his orbit more often; standing beside him during meetings, offering him small smiles and touches. Shiro finds it comforting. It’s grounding, in almost the same way it was with Keith. It’s not quite the same - there’s no way it could be - but it’s close enough.

If Keith notices, he doesn’t say anything.

* * *

Hunk notices.

Hunk sees a lot more than any of the other Paladins give him credit for. It’s easy to forget how astute he is when he’s hurling into the nearest garbage can under the pressure of g-force. 

With his new career aboard the IGF-Atlas, Hunk has been able to parts of the galaxy he never thought possible without the threat of death hanging over his head. Of course, outer space always held some threat of death, but not like… immediate death. Not the kind of death he would face flying a giant magic cat into a warzone, at least. Back on point though, his new career has also offered him closer quarters with Shiro. And with that, came front row seating to his gentle flirting with the bridge officer, Curtis.

After spending so much time in deep space with Shiro and Keith’s maddeningly oblivious flirtations, it feels hollow. It doesn’t feel _right_. Hunk isn’t even sure if Shiro’s aware that he’s doing it- replacing Keith like this. But is it really his place to say anything? After everything that happened when they got back to Earth, Hunk’s not sure he should get involved. Things between them are complicated to put it kindly and he feels like he would only make it worse.

That doesn’t necessarily stop him, though.

Keith has come through for Hunk on more than one occasion. They’ve bonded since their first trip back to Earth and Hunk feels an inordinate amount of protectiveness over him. This is what drives him to the door of Shiro’s quarters in the late hours this evening. His hand hovers over the door as he battles the pros and cons of talking to Shiro. He doesn’t make it too deep into his list before the door slides open to reveal someone who Hunk is not quite expecting.

Curtis stands in the doorway, Shiro’s lips on his cheek. He’s mumbling a goodbye, turning to leave when he spots Hunk. Hunk schools the shock off his face and offers them both a small wave. At least Curtis has the decency to look at least a bit embarrassed. “Hunk! Hey! What are uh- What are you doing here?” Shiro asks, cheeks ruddy with the blush climbing his face at an almost alarming rate. Hunk doesn’t let Shiro’s obvious embarrassment deter him from his current mission. “I was coming to talk to you.” He says after a moment. 

Curtis is carefully not making eye contact with Hunk, putting a bit more space between himself and Shiro. It seems that the air of professionalism is important to the both of them. “Now's not really the best time Hunk.” Shiro tries, glancing towards Curtis. “It’s fine, Takashi, I was just leaving. You two have your talk.” Shiro flushes even more so at the casual use of his first name. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He offers Shiro a small smile and slips around Hunk. “Good to see you, Hunk.”

Hunk responds with a nod and waits for Curtis to get at least down the hall before leveling Shiro with a look. “Seriously?” He deadpans. Shiro seems a bit thrown off by Hunks tone. He’s grown used to the Paladins and their mannerisms and this is certainly unlike Hunk.

Not waiting for an invitation, Hunk steps past Shiro and walks into his quarters. He’s uncharacteristically serious - he knows he has to be to be taken seriously right now. Hunks about to launch into it when he sees the set up. There’s a table set up, dinner plates and wine, some flowers. Confusion crosses his features and he turns back to Shiro. “Listen Hunk, I don’t know what you think is going on here but-” Hunk holds up a hand to stop him.

”If you’re going to do… whatever this is, man, you need to talk to Keith.”

Shiro finds himself caught off guard again. Hunk is never this direct, always choosing to try to defuse the situation by hedging in some way. “Why?” is the first thing that falls from Shiro’s lips. It’s not what he meant to say and he’s already mentally scolding himself for letting it slip. Hunk’s mouth opens as if he’s going to give him a reason but nothing comes out. Shiro takes the opportunity to explain.

”I don’t owe Keith an explanation. To be frank, Hunk, I don’t owe you one either.” Shiro does his best to square his shoulders, to stand a little taller. Hunk looks a bit dejected at that, but doesn’t argue. “Keith pulled away from me. He stopped talking to me. And Curtis, Curtis was there. He stepped in. He’s funny and gentle, and _kind_. He’s not intimidated by my status. He doesn’t know my history. And if I decide to date someone, what does it matter to anyone else? Haven’t I waited long enough.” Shiro missteps and the fire is back in Hunk’s eyes. 

“Can you really blame him, though? You weren’t there after you- after you _ripped his heart out_ , Shiro. Fuck, dude, you could have at least had the decency to do it in private. You humiliated him!” Shiro flinches at Hunk’s rising voice. “And now you’re just rubbing salt in the wound. I’m not trying to tell you how to live your life but you _do_ owe Keith an explanation. You should tell him before he finds out from someone else. He deserves that much respect.” Hunk finishes firmly.

Shiro is at a loss for words and Hunk doesn’t wait for him to find them. “Tell him or someone else will.” Hunk says, moving around Shiro’s frozen form. “Is that a threat?” Shiro asks, softly. “It’s a promise.” Hunk replies with conviction before he leaves Shiro in his quarters to think about their conversation. 

* * *

Shiro doesn't talk to Keith.

* * *

Lance is leaving. Or at least that’s what the message that doubles as an invite says. He’ll be heading to New Altea tomorrow and Shiro finds himself wondering if that’s to keep any of them from trying to talk him out of it. Not that Shiro would. He respects Lance enough to keep his opinions to himself about his move. Maybe there’s more for him on New Altea. Maybe he’ll even find peace there.

Shiro can only hope that this is the case as he takes in Lance’s haggard form at the party. He looks like he hasn’t slept since they touched back down on Earth. Shiro doesn’t think that’s too far from the truth, if he’s being honest. There’s a part of him that feels guilty for not checking in on him - Shiro knows grief and mourning all too well. He should have known Lance wouldn’t come to them about his problems. He certainly hadn’t when they were in space.

Keith is watching as Shiro steps into the small space at the Garrison where they’re holding Lance’s going away party - if you could really call it much of a party. They kept it small - purposely keeping it to the Paladins and their families and Keith is both eternally grateful and dismayed by this fact. It keeps him in close quarters with Shiro with very little excuses to stay away from him. Thankfully, Shiro seems to keep his distance as well, choosing to go and talk with Lance and Romelle instead of wandering over his way.

Shiro moves across the room and Keith is brought back to the present by Pidge’s elbow digging into his side, “See, I told you, total space cadet.” She says with a playful eye roll. “Well, what can I say, I should have expected it.” Hunk and Keith both give her matching looks of confusion which Pidge can only offer a salacious grin in reply to. “Was it everything you ever dreamed about or what?” Keith’s confusion only worsens, but Hunk seems to be catching up.

”Pidge, I don’t think-” Hunk starts but Keith cuts him off. “What are you talking about?” Pidge scoffs in response. “Don’t think you have to play coy, Matt already told me about your date. We’ve been waiting on this for years now. I’m just glad you two finally sorted it out.” Pidge waves her hand dismissively, like Keith is being ridiculous by denying her request for details he doesn’t seem to have.

”My _what_?!” Keith says, tone incredulous. Out of the corner of his eyes, he can see Hunk make some sort of silencing gesture. What he doesn’t see is Shiro, Lance, and Romelle glancing over at them, Keith’s rising tone garnering their attention. He also misses how Hunk now turns from Pidge to look at Shiro, shoulders tensed. It’s Pidge’s turn to look confused now as she looks between Hunk and Keith. “Your date?” She says slowly, a rare look dawning over her face that says she may have miscalculated something. “With Shiro?” She tries again.

Keith lapses into silence, like something in his brain has short circuited. “Keith?” Hunk asks softly. He can’t lessen the blow with any amount of softness. Pidge is trying to backtrack now, “Nevermind. Forget I said anything. Wow can you believe the appetizers here??” Her voice raises an octave as she tries to latch onto something that might steer the conversation away from the detonation she caused.

”Shiro had a date… last night?” Keith says the words like they don’t make any sense to him. Pidge looks back to him, biting her lower lip. “I’m sorry, Keith. I… Matt mentioned Shiro blew him off for a date last night and I just assumed it was with you.” She apologizes, guilt settling across her face now. It seems to set in, Keith’s face telegraphing the flow of every emotion he’s feeling. He can feel Shiro’s gaze on his back now. “With who?” He finally asks after a moment of contemplative silence.

It’s Hunk who replies to the question, moving a little closer to Keith’s side while he speaks. “Curtis, the dude on the bridge of the Atlas. I thought he would have told you by now. He’s been seeing him for a few months I think.” Hunk manages to keep the outright anger out of his voice, but makes a mental note to tear into Shiro once they’re in the privacy of the Atlas again.

Keith manages to school his expression to some degree. He pulls every emotion inwards and lets his normal passive annoyance take over. It’s the first time they’ve all been together in the same room and Keith doesn’t want to sour yet another event with a follow up episode of his and Shiro’s soap opera. “It’s fine. He can date whoever he wants.” He says, surprising both Pidge and Hunk. They both exchange dubious looks. Hunk speaks up, “Are you sure you’re okay, dude?” Keith waves him off. “I’m fine. Don’t worry about it.” He says. Hunk lets the topic go for the time being, but something tells him this won’t be the full fallout.

* * *

Keith makes himself scarce for the rest of the party. Of course he makes sure to talk with Romelle and Coran since they came all this way to escort Lance back to New Altea. He shoots the shit with Lance for a bit as well, making promises to stop by between missions to say hello and make sure he hasn’t lit the entire planet on fire. But as the night winds down, Keith makes his exit without any further goodbyes. He can feel his social battery draining and knows that his ability to keep himself in check will be quick to follow. So, in an effort to make things easier on everyone, he escapes to the outskirts of the Garrison’s boundaries to be alone on the cliffs.

This is where Shiro finds him after the party ends. He approaches him slowly, but with enough noise that he won’t sneak up on him. If he’s being honest, Shiro hadn’t thought this far ahead - he had no idea what he was going to say to Keith. The regret of not telling Keith when Hunk had told him to a few months prior has settled deep in his gut, giving way to the churning guilt he’s feeling now. “I’m sorry Keith, I should have told you myself. You deserved better than that and I-” Shiro is cut off by the sound of Keith’s watery laughter. He looks confused but tries to continue. “I was lonely and Curtis is a good man. He’s sweet and funny. You’d- You’d really like him if you got to know him.” His apology is met with silence.

“Keith, I’m-” He starts and Keith cuts him off quickly, not turning to face him. “You’re sorry. You can keep your bullshit apology, Shirogane.” Shiro isn’t expecting the amount of venom in Keith’s voice when he spits the words at him. Maybe he should have, though. ”Keith-” He doesn’t make it any further than he did the previous time. “I don’t want to hear it.” Keith’s voice is firm. “Like I said, you can keep your bullshit apology and your sham of a fucking relationship.” This breaks whatever soft feelings Shiro had going into this. “Language.” He snaps back at Keith, to which Keith replies with a scoff and a shake of his head. “I understand that you’re angry but can you at least act like an adult about this?”

It’s not Shiro’s first mistake in this conversation, but it’s certainly one of the most volatile.

“You’re right. I do deserve better.” Shiro opens his mouth to reply, trying to find more apologies, but doesn’t get the chance before Keith continues. “I deserve better than a half assed apology and some bullshit lies.” Shiro’s jaw snaps shut with a click as Keith whirls on him. “And you sure are one to talk. As I recall, the last time I tried to be an adult about something, you turned tail and _ran away from me_.” Shiro’s jaw snaps shut. He takes in Keith’s appearance. The tears that have tracked down his cheeks are inditivative of sorrow but Shiro swears he’s never seen Keith this angry before. “So fuck you, your adult bullshit, and your sham of a god damn fucking-” He enunciates every curse with care “-sham of a fucking relationship!” Keith pushes himself up to face Shiro head on.

”Keith I-” Keith cuts him off again and Shiro starts to think that maybe he should just stop trying. “I don’t want to hear it!” His arms are wrapped around himself again. “Shiro, I’ve crossed galaxies for you. I’ve fought wars for you. I’ve nearly _died_ for you. I’ve chased you through this entire universe and then some. And I’m…” His voice wavers, the anger dissipating into something much sadder. “I don’t know what else I could possibly do to make myself good enough for you.” Keith’s voice breaks. Shiro reaches out towards him and Keith smacks his hand away harshly. “Don’t touch me!” He snaps, baring his teeth at Shiro.

Shiro lets his hand fall, not wanting to provoke Keith any further than he already has. Keith moves around him, keeping his distance. “I can’t keep chasing you. You keep leaving me and I can’t take that anymore. It hurts too much.” Shiro doesn’t move to stop him, knows better than to try at this point. Keith pauses of his own volition a few yards behind Shiro, though. “Do me one last favor?” Shiro looks over his shoulder, “Anything.” He replies softly. 

Keith doesn’t look back at him. “Don’t ever try to contact me again.” The request knocks the air out of Shiro’s lungs. Keith walks away without another word, leaving Shiro reeling.

He won’t hear from Keith for several months after this conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your kind comments & the kudos, I really do appreciate them.
> 
> You can find me on Twitter at @gobegay


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